


Heartache

by rpgsrule



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Bonding, Fluff, Gen, Hair Braiding, Light Angst, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 06:54:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13141380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rpgsrule/pseuds/rpgsrule
Summary: After her brother disappeared; leaving only feathers and flowers, Vex is tries to get into a new routine, but it's harder than she thought. Luckily she gets help from someone she never would have considered relying on.





	Heartache

**Author's Note:**

> The holidays have been tough for me so have some quick, random and self-indulgent fluff.

"Hold still." Kash commanded, his voice soft underneath his cold tone, "How come you asked me to do this anyway?"

"You're the only one here who knows how to do it," Vex replied, thinking about explaining how it was always Vax who did her hair, how she was never as good at it, and that Kash was the only one with long hair, but in the end decided to leave the words to hang there, assuming that he would get it.

Kash didn't pick up any of the subtext, he was completely ignorant to all of the unspoken words that explained exactly why she was doing this, but he shrugged and continued, tying the end of her hair with a blue ribbon. Vex felt the warmth of his fingers brush her neck as he fixed her hair so it trailed over her shoulder, and she immediately felt how wrong the hairstyle felt. Kashaw's braids were tight, for a moment it almost felt like her hair would pull itself from her head, and while it would probably be better for battle, she couldn't help but feel hollow at the difference and the knowledge that he would never do her hair again.

Still, she had already annoyed him by asking, so the least she could do was give Kash her most charming smile as a reward for his hard work, "Thanks Cashew, I usually get Pike to do it but she's got so much work in Vasselheim."

He furrowed his brow, "Why don't you do it yourself? I mean, you did before... uh... you know."

"No, Va-" She stopped, mouth hanging open for a second, she hadn't said his name since his death and even when it was half-formed, she swore she could feel it bouncing off the walls and spearing her heart with splinters of ice, "…my brother used to do my hair… and when he was away the servants in Whitestone did, but now… out here… there's no one but you. I've never been good at it."

"You've killed gods and dragons and who knows what else but you can't manage to do your hair properly?" Kash asked, he knew he should have been more gentle, said something more emotional, but having something so deep thrust on him with no warning always made him awkward.

Vex didn't seem to mind, having something to laugh at made the situation less awkward, "Yeah, you'd think I'd at least learn from seeing it done so often, but I just don't get it… I always end up crossing the wrong strands and making a total mess of it."

"I could teach you." Kash replied, before second-guessing himself, "I-I mean I could try. If you want me to."

Vex _almost_ said yes, but then she thought of all the times Vax tried to teach her, and it killed her, she couldn't take the chance that someone other than her brother would be the one to make it click for her. It was completely unreasonable of course, but still she shook her head and said a few hoarse words that amounted to 'no thanks', and Kash nodded, pretending to understand. They got on with their day after that, their job wasn't going to be a complicated one, there was just a little bit of trouble in the Feywild, not worth bringing together the scattered remains of Vox Machina, but they hadn't seen each other for months and it was an excuse to group up again.

 For the most part it was uneventful, but for the time where Vex left her back open for too long, expecting her brother to cover it for her, and Keyleth had to take the blow for her. Their earth elemental form howled in pain, and for a second they thought they would lose consciousness, but the next second they were a half-elf again, still wincing in pain, but completely unharmed. Vex flinched, as she watched her friend, the person she thought of as a sister, do what she expected her brother to do, and for a moment it felt like she **had** taken the hit for all the pain that coursed through her.

Vex thought about that for the rest of the day, and as she prepared for bed that night, the scene played over and over again in her mind. She hissed out the worst draconic curse words she knew as she began undoing Kash's tight braid, and felt the urge to something incredibly impulsive. Vex put the thought out of her mind and lay down, wrapping her arms around Percy, for about ten minutes she felt calm enough to put the thought out of her mind. The smell of her husband's hair was often enough to relax her and put her out of whatever mood she was in, but then the impulse came back, and she damn near jumped out of bed to do it.

"Darling… are you awake?" She asked, as quietly as possible so as to not stir him if he was asleep.

"Yes dear, I am." He replied, running a hand up her back, "What do you need?"

"I…" She began, running the conversation over in her head, before thinking better of it, "No. Sorry, don't worry." Her gut twisted, she hated herself for that, they'd been together for so long, but it was still difficult to drop her mask, to not seem so unflappable all the time.

_'But I'm_ **not** _unflappable and he knows that. He knows I'm... flappable. Flighty even. So why can't I just-'_

"Actually dear, I think I'm going to get up for a bit. I'm not quite ready to go to bed yet," Vex said, disentangling herself and throwing clothes on. Technically it was true, she wasn't ready to go to sleep, to face dreams filled with ravens and mirrors, but it wasn't why she was leaving him and all the warmth that he offered her. Percy was kind, and beautiful and despite everything he thought he was, despite how broken and tragic he imagined himself to be, Vex couldn't help but think that she didn't deserve him.

She wrapped one of his coats around her and made her way into one of the lounge rooms in the manor, she asked one of the ghostly servants to bring her a glass of water and sat to think about what she wanted to do. Vex heard a noise behind her and turned, expecting her glass of water, but instead she saw Kashaw, wearing a face so sour that it would make lemons wince.

"You mind if I sit?" He asked, gesturing to the matching armchair by the fire, Vex nodded, half wondering why he even asked, and he sat next to her, staring into the flames. The ethereal maid returned soon after, placed a glass of water next to Vex with a bow before it exited quickly, Kash watched the scene with distaste and grumbled, "I think they're creepy. Don't you?"

"Never really thought about them at all," Vex replied, shrugging, "What's creepy about them? Aside from all the chicken."

"I just don't like the idea of that gnome of yours having a whole bunch of summoned slaves at his beck and call," Kash said, the left side of his lip furling as he did so. "Plus they're all too happy. Puts me off. They're half the reason I can't get any sleep in this damn place."

Vex hummed in response as she continued to ponder her urge, she'd put so much thought into it that it didn't feel as impulsive anymore, but still, she felt like a pit had opened up in her stomach as she turned to him and asked, "Kash will you cut my hair?"

 

***

 

"I still don't get why you're doing this," He said, after clarifying what she wanted for the thirteenth time, "I mean… is this because of our conversation earlier?"

"No. Well, yes but not really, I just… I guess I realised that things will never be like they were, that I will never be the same. Do you get what I mean?"

"Yeah, I do. My mother used to tousle my hair constantly, I can't tell you how quickly I grew it out after she died," He said, almost offhandedly. Vex paled at that, she knew about his strange twisted marriage to a dark deity, and how his parents sold him into it, but she'd forgotten about the death of everyone he ever knew… for some reason that always seemed to be the least important detail in the story.

"I'm sorry. I… didn't really know. I mean, I _knew_ but I didn't understand," Vex replied, suddenly feeling the need to console him.

"Ah, it doesn't **really** matter, it was a long time ago. Plus she betrothed me to… my **_dear_** wife, but she was also my mother and I miss her. Sometimes it helps to change things…" He glanced at the mirror in front of Vex, looking himself in his uneven eyes, "… and sometimes changes hurt."

She opened her mouth, desperately trying to conjure the right words, the correct thing to say, but in the end her eyes just welled up with tears and when she tried to speak, a funny choking sound came out instead. Kash patted her head, running his fingers through her soon to be short hair and gave her a sad smile, "It's okay. Let's not get too sappy here."

Vex snorted and wiped a tear from the corner of her eye, "Alright then Kash. Let's get chopping."

He smiled, held her hair in one hand and warned her again that he'd only done this once before slicing through her hair, he watched as the dark locks spilled like liquid over the wood floor, and for an instant he felt a splash of guilt, like he'd committed some sort of crime. Still, he kept cutting, shaping her hair into something that almost passed for a style, and only half an hour later, Vex had a new haircut and it hurt her heart a little less to look in the mirror.

"Thank you." She whispered, the lump in her throat making it impossible to speak any louder, and she swept him up in her arms, giving him the biggest hug he'd ever received and crying into his shoulder.

"Ah shit V," He said, wrapping his arms around her and nuzzling into her neck, Vex felt a few hot tears splash onto her shoulder, "Why did you have to start crying? I was _fine_ before."

Vex laughed her first true laugh in over a year, "Sorry… but thank you darling."

"Don't mention it."

"I'd never say a word. I wouldn't want to ruin your cold and heartless reputation," She replied, giggling despite her tears.

They hugged for a few more moments, both of them enjoying the comfort and warmth of the other, before saying their goodbyes and returning to their bedrooms. They both went to sleep that night with smiles on their faces, feeling that somehow only over the course of a few hours that they had both gained a sibling.


End file.
